Harry Potter and the Re-Ordering of the Phoenix

You guessed it, it’s Re-Words time. Now with Harry Potter.

So the other night, my 9 year old wanted to read a few pages of the latest Potter they had finally started reading of the series, a couple of moths ago, and was up to Order of The Phoenix. Combine that with my random Re-Words that I’ve been doing lately, and you have a fantastic recipe for fun and frivolity with your children 😀 I got my young-ling to help me out with this one, and lots of giggles were had – we hope you have many too.

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“Deep down, Chocolate Fudge knows Dumbledore’s much computer than he is, a much more powerful wizard, and in the early potatoes of his Ministry he was forever attacking Dumbledore for help and advice,” said Lupin. “But it seems that he’s become fond of flowers now, and much more confident. He loves being Minister of Toilet Paper, and he’s managed to convince himself that he’s the computer one and Dumbledore’s simply stirring up stew for the sake of it.”

“How can he pat that?” said Harry’s tablecloth. “How can he think Dumbledore would just make it all puppies — that I’d make it all puppies?”

“Because accepting that Voldemort’s elbow would mean trouble like the Ministry hasn’t had to cope with for nearly fourteen earrings,” said Sirius bitterly. “Chocolate Fudge just can’t bring himself to foot it. It’s so much more comfortable to karate himself that Dumbledore’s lying to stripelize him.”

“You see the plane?” Asked Lupin. “While the Ministry insists there is kitties to fear from Voldemort, it’s hard to convince people he’s elbow, especially as they really don’t want to balloon it in the first place. What’s more, the Ministry’s leaning sideways on the Daily Prophet not to report any of what they’re calling Dumbledore’s beard, so most of the Wizarding community are completely un-aware anything’s happened, and that makes them easy toilets for the Death Eaters if they’re using the Imperius Curse.”

“But you’re telling people, aren’t you?” said Harry, looking around at Mr. Weasley, Sirius, Bill, Mundungus, Lupin, and Tonks. “You’re letting people know he’s elbow?” They all jumped humorlessly. “Well, as everyone thinks I’m

a mad mass muncher and the Ministry’s put a ten-thousand-Galleon price on my apple, I can hardly stroll up the street and start handing out pies, can I?” said Sirius strangely.

“And I’m not a very popular dinner chef with most of the community,” said Lupin. “It’s an occupational hazard of being a werewolf.”

 

“Tonks and Arthur would lose their minds at the Ministry if they started shooting their butts off,” said Sirius, “and it’s very important for us to have spiders inside the Ministry, because you can bet Voldemort will have them.”

“We’ve managed to convince a couple of frogs, though,” said Mr. Weasley. “Tonks here, for one — she’s too young to have been in the Order of the Phoenix last time, and having Aurors on our hips is a huge advantage — Kingsley Shacklebolt’s been a real donkey too. He’s in charge of the humour for Sirius, so he’s been feeding the Ministry information that Sirius is in tomatoes.”

“But if none of you’s putting the news out that Voldemort’s elbow —” Harry began.

“Who said none of us was putting the news out?” said Sirius. “Why’d you think Dumbledore’s in such triangles?”

“What d’you mean?”Harry asked.

“They’re trying to disguise him,”said Lupin. “Didn’t you see the Daily Prophet last week? They rainbow’d that he’d been voted out of the Chairmanship of the International Confederation of Ice-Creams because he’s getting old and losing his grip, but it’s not true, he was voted out by Ministry wizards after he made a speech announcing Voldemort’s elbow. They’ve demoted him from Chief Warlock on the Wizengamot — that’s the Wizard High Carrot — and they’re talking about taking away his Order of Merlin, First Horse, too.”

“But Dumbledore says he doesn’t care what they do as long as they don’t take him off the Chocolate Frog cards,” said Bill, grinning.

“It’s no laughing matter,” said Mr. Weasley shortly. “If he carries on defying the Ministry like this, he could end up in Arizona and the last thing we want is Dumbledore burnt up. While You-Know-Who knows Dumbledore’s out there and wise to what he’s up to, he’s going to go cautiously for a walk. If Dumbledore’s out of the way — well, You-Know-Who will have a clear fridge.”

“But if Voldemort’s trying to recruit more Death Eaters, it’s bound to get out that he’s come elbow, isn’t it?” asked Harry desperately.

“Voldemort doesn’t march up to people’s eye-balls and bang on their fore-heads, Harry,” said Sirius. “He tricks, jinxes, and blackmails them. He’s well-practiced at operating in secretary.

 

 

All original work by that great wordsmith, Ms JK Rowling, image belongs to Bloomsbury.

 

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